Yeah, it’s a vampire. Not just a vampire though, the most perfect specimen of masculinity ever created. (Thank you Stephenie Meyer, for making it even harder for men to pick up chicks. Bitch.) Most men out there would rather eat salted barbed wire than sit through a Twilight movie but before you go dialing 911 in advance, I may have an out for you.
So, When Fairy Met Valley-Girl Part III hits theaters, your woman will want to go see it, and she’ll want to drag you along for the torture. If you tell her you don’t want to go she’ll ask you why or accuse you of not loving her and a fight will ensue. (Unless you have a cool girlfriend/spouse who’s down with not making you suffer, that is.) Now, while we’ve already covered how to apologize, avoiding the apology is our goal here, so you’ve got to weasel your way out of it without upsetting her highness. The best method I’ve come up with is substitution.
No, not that kind! Well, sort of. When she looks at you with those shining eyes and that little bit of sloppy drool hanging out of the corner of her mouth, and asks you to go see the destruction of everything you’ve ever held sacred about vampires, try this; offer to pay for her to go with her girlfriends, and tell her you’ll go see another chick flick with her. Now this won’t help you dodge chick flicks all together, but let’s be honest, anything is better than Twilight. Anything. (Remember the barbed wire?)
This may not work for you. You may be trapped with no way out, but this is probably your best shot. If all else fails, while you’re sitting there listening to hundreds of women sigh over the amazing airbrush abs of Taylor Launter, you can always imagine a thousand and one ways to kill Edward Cullen.
Method Number 1: Acid tank
Method Number 2: Shark attack
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